Not so sweet home Alabama... WTF!?•
Posted on May 17 2019
I am almost lost for words... HOW? HOW does a law get passed that bans women from having an abortion procedure - at all. EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN RAPED OR THE PREGNANCY IS FROM INCEST?! HOW!!?? Alabama, and more so, Gov Kay Ivey - you should be ashamed of yourselves! I pray that you don't have a daughter, sister, granddaughter who is raped or has a crazy relative that impregnates her and you find yourself in a mess thanks to a situation that you have aided!
Now that I have that rant of my chest, let me tell you MY STORY...
I thought he loved me. I was 16 at the time, completely naive, completely gullible and a very lost little girl who thought she had her shit together and that she was all that and a bag of potato chips. I still see it, you know... I still see that night clearly in my memory, it's like looking at a puddle of someone else's spew - it gives me the same sick feeling. I remember his words to me 'I just want to share this part of me with you.' I remember the thoughts going through my head, 'I don't want to do this.... how do I stop him? Mum is going to be so mad at me.' I felt frozen. I told him to stop. Instantly I knew I was pregnant.
I'm cringing right now as I write this.
He was my boyfriend (though, I write the word and it just seems so dumb!) he told me all the right things and showed me all the wrong ones. This boy used and abused me. I trusted him, I thought I loved him. There would often be times when he would make plans with me and I'd wait for hours for him to show up, only to find out that instead, he had hung out with his mates smoking weed and killing whatever brain cells he had left.
Why did I have a loser like this as my boyfriend? I wasn't strong in myself back then like I am now. I pretended to be confident, but inside I was so scared of everyone... what they thought about me; did they like me; did they accept me; what if I said the wrong thing; did they want to hurt me... I didn't have many friends at school and to be honest, I felt very alone and lonely... I wasn't strong enough to walk away and if I could go back in time with the strength and knowledge I have now in my armour... I would kick him in the dick!
Just as a side note: that piece of crap ended up in jail for killing someone in a DUI hit and run... obviously my life turned out far better than his. Loser.
I had tried to talk to my Mum about sex when I was younger but for her the topic was a no go zone. I could have avoided the situation all together has she just have been open enough to discuss sex with me and get me on the pill... though, I believe that all things happen for a reason and for me, I now choose to look at the situation I was in as something I learned a lot of lessons from and it made me who I am today. Think... what if he hadn't assaulted me that night; would I have been with him longer? Would I have built up the resilience and strength today had I not experienced it?
The hardest thing for me to do, was confront my mother. I was beyond scared, because I knew what her reaction would be. As always she blamed me... it was my fault. She wanted to send me to my Aunty's house in the middle of whoop whoop, because she couldn't deal with me, have the baby and hide away. I guess she was embarrassed and maybe a little regretful that she didn't want to have 'the conversation' with me when I approached her... maybe she blamed herself a bit for the situation I was in and felt that was the only way she could cope. Maybe...
Because I was so afraid, I hid it away from my Mum. It was almost too late by the time I told her. I had the abortion the day before I was 12 weeks pregnant - back then (gosh, listen to me... 'back then' like I'm so bloody old) the cut off to have an abortion was 12 weeks (I just tried to research what the actual law on terminations in Queensland at the time, but I couldn't find anything helpful). I remember that day like it was only last week. I remember exactly what I was wearing, I remember the room and the people in it. I remember the ridiculous scrubs the doctors were wearing. I remember them jamming the cannula into my hand with such hurried force, like they wanted to get me in and out as quick as possible so they could make their quota for the day. I remember waking up on my side in recovery and them jabbing another needle into my thigh. They treated me like I was a criminal... they were really mean and forceful. I can still see the room I was in afterwards, the big leather arm chairs, the cup of tea in the styrofoam cup and the cheese and crackers they gave me to eat. I remember driving back to Home Hill from Townsville afterwards with Mum, all drugged and and in pain. She had to stop at Woolly's on the way home and I remember blood gushing out of me as I sat, dazed in the car waiting for her. I remember the pink crop top and little black shorts I was wearing as I cuddled a heat bag, laying on a mattress on the floor, under strict instructions to 'act' like everything was fine and I just had an upset tummy so my Dad wouldn't know what I'd just had done.
What a mess!
What an absolute shit fight of a mess! There are SO MANY things wrong this: It's wrong that it happened at all; It's wrong that my mother refused to talk to me about sex because SHE was uncomfortable; It's wrong that my Mum blamed me; It's wrong that she hid this from my Dad and made me play along: It's wrong that I felt I couldn't go to someone, anyone. Let me tell you how messed up this made me? VERY! What's worse is that I was left to my own devices to pick up the pieces and told to carry on like nothing had even happened.
My life as I knew if fell apart. I quit sport - something I was very good at... I made every rep team I tried out for at school. I had coaches telling me I'd play netball for Australia one day. All my hopes, dreams and aspirations that I knew at 16 - were gone! I already felt alone, now I felt isolated and more lost than ever. I felt like my life didn't have purpose and I just stopped caring. I stopped caring about the things that I once loved and I tried so hard to be the Aimee I used to be, but she was gone. 'That Aimee' was lost for 12 years. I had hidden myself away from the world and dragged my feet along a dusty road, kicking stones as I walked passed them. I made big mistakes, and at the time refused to learn any lessons. It wasn't until my separation from my ex that I found myself again... that is a story for another time.
The lesson's here:
Don't be naive - talk to your kids about sex! BOTH boys and girls need to hear this stuff.
It's dumb to bury your head in the sand and hope you don't have to deal with it.
Don't keep secrets from your partner and certainly don't involve your kids in them - that is messed up!
Honesty is always the best policy.
You live and learn - but only if you are open to learning... if you think that you have it 'all together' then you will never learn a thing and you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over, sometimes they might manifest differently, but they are all the same...
Lastly, if by chance, you are reading this and one day you have the power of changing legislation - leave abortion alone... women and men (when they are a part of the decision making process) deserve to make this very personal and very hard decision without influence or restriction from idiot politicians who are removed from the situation!
**Please share this post - it may help someone out there who may be going through something similar... **
~ Aimee xx
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