I told him I was in love with him... and there was silence....•
Posted on May 24 2019
Saying 'I love you' for the first time is scary... it's even more scary when you say it first... and well, when they don't say it back - just shoot me...
Well, that was my reality one May 28th night 3 years ago.
We had only been dating for two months, and as much as we tried to stay away and 'just be friends,' we couldn't deny the strength of our feelings. We were inseparable right from our first date (that actually wasn't supposed to be a date and only a coffee to meet someone new...). There was something about this man that I just couldn't stay away from and he felt the same way. We had crazy amounts of fun together, it was like we had known each other our whole lives... it was easy, right from the start and still is to this day.
So it goes down like this:
It was a Friday night, Dion was headed out with some friends from CrossFit to a bar in the city and I was headed out with a guy friend and his mate for drinks and nibbles at City Lane (for you non-Townsville folk, 'City Lane' is a cool alleyway style cluster of restaurants and bars that has an energetic vibe and eclectic mix of people). We hadn't actually intended on catching up at any point through the night, as we were still in the 'not public' stage of our relationship, but when City Lane was starting to feel dull 'Fish' (my mate) and I decided to head down to where Dion and his friends were for a drink... and so the night of copious amounts of alcohol and dancing began.
At this point it is fair to note that I'm pretty sure the girls that Dion was out with thought I was an impostor with no business being there and I'm almost certain one of them (who I think liked him) wanted me gone from their gathering.
So into 'town' we went (again, let me clarify for non-Townsville folk.. 'town' is our notorious night club strip) to drink some more and party the night away... It was Friday the 27th of May, the night before Dion's birthday, which meant there was even more reason to party hard that night. I'm not exactly sure how much I had to drink, or even how many drinks I bought D, but it's safe to say both of us where not in great shape and my feet were hurting so much I wanted to rip my shoes off on the dance floor (something I never, ever would do... I DO NOT go barefoot in public!).
It was great being there with him, on the eve of his birthday and I was so keen to give him a birthday kiss at midnight... We were in the middle of the dance floor, I checked my watch just as it had struck midnight, I screamed 'Happy Birthday' over the music in the club, then he wrapped his arms around me, dipped me a little backwards and kissed me... I think the 'not public' dating thing was broken that night and as it turns out, this was just the start of the 'big steps' in our new relationship.
The next morning it was D's birthday, I peeled myself out of his bed and made a big birthday cook up of bacon, eggs, mushrooms, spinach, baked beans and hash brown's - it was the bomb and definitely hit the spot after a big night out. We hung out all day on the couch, chatting, watching movies (oh how I miss those days of having nothing to do every now and then). I had been planning a big birthday evening for him and I was so excited all day waiting for it.
I left his place in the mid afternoon to go home and get myself ready and I just couldn't stop thinking about it... I smiled all the time... I thought about him all the time... I felt at peace around him... I was content... I was - IN LOVE and I just had to tell him!
I was wearing a tight pink dress, my hair and makeup were on point and the reaction I got from him as I walked through his front door upon my return gave me butterflies. He smiled the biggest smile, 'wow' fell out of his mouth, almost like it was unintentional. He hugged me. Kissed me. We walked to his room where he was finishing getting dressed and I stopped him at the door... I looked in his eyes, smiled, my tummy going crazy with nerves, I felt a tear well up... I hugged him and whispered in his ear "I'm in love with you." He hugged me tightly and I felt him relax in my embrace, but he didn't respond.
There's a song, 'More than words' by Extreme... 'saying I love you, is not the words I want to hear from you. It's not that I want to, not to say, but if you only knew, how easy it would be show me how you feel. More than words, is all you have to do to make it real, then you wouldn't have to say, that you love me... 'cos I'd already know.'
I told Dion I was in love with him, because I knew he loved me too. He showed me every time we were together that he loved me and although it was scary to say it first and I was showing all vulnerability by saying it with no guarantee of him saying it back... I just had to tell him. I couldn't not tell him. There is no reward without risk and I was prepared to risk not hearing it back because I wanted the man that I was in love with to know how much he meant to me.
For his birthday, I wanted to shout him a night of the finest. I took him to my favorite restaurant 'A Touch of Salt' for dinner. We order the 'trust the chef' which was 6 courses of whatever we got and a bottle of our favorite wine, Wirra Wirra 'Church Block.' It was an incredible night out on the deck of the best restaurant in Townsville. Overlooking the water, being waited on by undoubtedly the most entertaining waiter ever, Sammy. We still talk about how amazing that night was now, you couldn't have planned it to be anymore perfect.
The next morning when we woke up, I rolled over, kissed D on the cheek and softly sung 'I'll be' by Edwin McCain in his ear. He rolled me over, gave me a hug that thinking of now still gives me goosebumps and kissed me on the lips. I squinted a little, smiled and said to him "tell me how you feel." To which he responded "I think you already know how I feel." I responded "I know... but I need to hear you say it..." My big strong man took a deep breath, looked at me and said "I'm in love with you too." You know how in movies when there is a climax in a scene and the music lifts with an inspirational theme... that is exactly how that moment felt... it was magical. After that, well... one thing lead to another and seeing as this isn't that sort of blog I'll stop there.
I took a chance telling D how I felt first. I put myself out there, heart wide open and my vulnerability on the line... and I would do it every single day, because the result has been the best thing in my life. Our life together is a blessing. Dion and our kids are my entire universe and I feel so privileged to walk through this life with him right by my side. Sometimes opportunities don't present themselves again. Sometime's we wait too long for things and then it's too late. Living life fully isn't possible without taking chances, being open, being vulnerable. So go put you big girl panties on and SPEAK UP! and if it doesn't work out, that's fine, it just wasn't meant to be and that situation is just pushing you towards the right one!
In the words of ABBA 'Take a chance.'
~ Aimee xx
oh, and while I was writing this, I was trying to search for inspiration as I couldn't get my mind off my book 'Can You Smell the Rainbow' coming out... so I watched our wedding video... it's here if you want a look :)
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